MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
