I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I had to cum in my sink.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
