sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
