i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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