dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
