I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
