Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
