i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
