Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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