Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
