True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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