I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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