Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
