u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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