Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
