didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
