gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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