HIV tests are more positive than that guy
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
