i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
