a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
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