last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
