I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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