I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
