Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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