I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
