i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
