Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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