Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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