can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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