I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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