I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
