i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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