It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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