drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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