My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
