Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
