I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
