Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
