I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
