So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
