Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
