Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
