Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.

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(716): View more from New York

I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars

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(214): View more from Texas

hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?

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(816): View more from Missouri

just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.

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(347): View more from New York

Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me

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(510): View more from California

I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition

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(567): View more from Ohio

So I'm never gonna get to see you again?

(740): View more from Ohio

Hopefully.

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