2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
