College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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