the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
