This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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