I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
