so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
