She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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