I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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