Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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