I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
