I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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