I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
