Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
