Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
